January 22, 2008 My dream last night... (long post)

Last night I had my reoccurring dream again. Let first start by saying that I have not had this dream since I lived in the “Love Shack” in college; about 8 years ago {You see we had this large house in college where four of my good friends and I lived -and don’t let the name fool you}. Anyway, I have had this dream since I was a teenager. The setting of the dream is in lush vegetation; so lush and thick that it was not possible to see but only a few yards in front of you. In the dream I am usually getting out of my net-hammock thing that I sleep in or stepping out of a hut made out of what the land has to offer (mud, straw, etc.) I have long, thick wavy hair (this is a dream) and some sort of bone in my nose (a native, decorative piece). I am also in extremely good shape and it appears that I have lived in this place for quite some time; as I feel comfortable with my surroundings and interactions with the native tribe. So, the dream may vary from time to time; but the end message is consistently the same: A native woman, who is short and has a large build and is only dressed from the bottom down in some sort of skirt made from the vegetation, hands me a black baby with a large belly. The baby is usually crying as the woman passes her over to me. The woman always seems to be looking to me for direction or for help. This is usually where the dream ended.

I have always interpreted this dream to mean that someday I will reside in an area (at one time I thought the Amazon because of the vegetation) where I was kind of like the “medicine woman”. I know that many sound strange-because it is. As a teenager when I first started having this dream, I was not interesting in the medical profession. I actually wanted to be a lawyer. Yup, that’s right a lawyer; however, foreign that may sound to me now…I actually started college on a prelaw scholarship. Needless to say that didn’t last long; and yes, I ended up in the medical profession. First a nurse then a family nurse practitioner and now a psychiatric nurse practitioner. During my studies of medicine in college, I continued to have this dream, as I mentioned above…with the last time being when I lived with my friends in the “Love Shack”. At that point, I interpreted this dream to mean that I was following the right path; that I was suppose to study medicine and that one day I was suppose to leave the States and help others. Maybe not become the “medicine woman” but maybe do medical missions. This is what I believed until last night…

Last night I had the dream again, except it was in a different environment. I was standing in dusty, dry area where I could feel the dirt burning my lungs with each inhale. Once again I felt comfortable with my surroundings and with the people that I interacted with. Again, I seemed to be somehow a part of this community? A woman, this time thin and tall, hands me her big bellied baby. The baby is still crying as she is handing her over to me. This time I peer into the woman’s eyes, they are dark and somehow familiar. I start to think to myself, is this the same woman I have met before in my dreams? I smile at her and she at me. She says not a word; but her eyes seem to speak all that needs to be said. Her eyes are desperate, yet hopeful…they are sad, yet appreciative…for what? Am I again the “medicine woman” I wonder to myself in my dream. There is a loss in her eyes that I cannot describe…yet there is a familiarity in them that I have memorized...from a picture…they are Simret’s.

Is this Simret’s mother…I begin to contemplate in my dream…then I wake.