The night before Simret's first birthday...

Tonight as I was rocking Simret to sleep, I had 17 thousand things running through my mind...preparing for her birthday party. What appetizers was I going to make, when should I bake her cake, did I invite all of her friends, do I have enough wine for her friends' parents? Then I began to realize how ridiculous these thoughts were...as they don't matter. How selfish I was being. I honestly had not thought once about how her biological mother must be feeling...it is tomorrow in Ethiopia...therefore, Simret's birthday. As I rocked her to sleep, Simret rubbed the side of my face and played with my hair (as she does most nights). All I could think about was the heartache that her mother must be feeling, as I was celebrating the 1st year of Simret's life. As tears ran down my face, I hoped that Simret could not feel them or somehow know how I was feeling. I cannot even begin to contemplate the multitude of emotions that Simret's biological mother must be feeling today. I wish that somehow I could let her know how she was doing...that she was happy...that she was a ball of energy...that she was beautiful...that she was smart...that she was healthy...that she was funny...that she loved life more than anyone I have ever met...that she has an amazing father...that she has two brothers that adore her, and that I love her so much that it hurts. I wish she could know how much I admire her as a mother...as a brave woman who deeply loved her child enough to let her go...with the hope that she would have a better life. I just hope that I don't let her down...