Good Fortune

I know that I haven't posted much about our current adoption; the only rationale that I can come up with is that not talking about it publicly is my way of protecting myself... sort of a defense mechanism. I have the same fears as most going through the adoption process- will her family come back and take her (selfishly I fear this-but do believe in keeping families together and know this would be best for her if this happened), will we get a court date soon, will we pass court the first time or will court drag out for months, will the Ethiopian adoption program shut down because of recent child trafficking, what is our child's history and is our adoption ethical (no matter how much we have tried to find out her history thus far we still have NOTHING), will Simret love having a sister or resent us for adding to our family (I know there will be some adjustment and she will have a hard time at first- but will that ease over time), will she bond to us, will she resent us from removing her from her country & culture- from everything she knows and loves, will she love me? ....and so on...this is what runs through my mind over and over again. It is exhausting!

Interesting that I chose to write the above- because I actually intended to tell a story about "good fortune"...so here goes. I bought this beaded necklace that had an Asian coin held at either end with multiple pieces of string then beads. The necklace came with a poem that stated that when the necklace broke it would bring good fortune to the wearer. I got this necklace at the beginning of 2006 (about the same time that Makeda was born) when I was gathering paperwork for our first adoption. However, at this time we thought that we were going to be adopting a little girl from China- little did we know that little girl would be from Ethiopia and named Simret.

So, the necklace ended up breaking and for some reason I was devastated. I guess, because this necklace symbolized more than good fortune if it is broken to me- it symbolized hope... hope for the future, that I would be united with my daughter soon. I would wish her good night and kiss the coin before bed- I would make a wish on it that where ever she was that she was safe, healthy, and loved. When it broke so did I.

It ended up that a child from China wasn't in our future. A little after we started the adoption process with Ethiopia- I found the necklace on the internet and bought another one with a new hope in my heart. Shortly after I starting wearing the necklace it also broke. Again, I wasn't ready for it to break- it was too soon and I loved holding it and imagining my future with my daughter. So, I tied it back together...now the coin was lopsided and didn't feel the same. I decided that I was acting ridiculous and put the necklace away.

Last week Simret pulled out the necklace and asked if she could wear it. The same necklace that I would kiss her goodnight with when she was in a crib oceans away. The same necklace that I would wish her safety, health, and for someone to love her with. The feeling of putting that necklace around her neck was indescribable, but I can tell you nothing has felt as good nor probably ever will.

I told Simret the story behind the necklace and told her that she would now wear the necklace for good fortune- to insure that her sister was safe, healthy, and loved. Also, that she can make a wish on it for her sister to come home soon or any wish that she would like to make. I also warned her that it may break- but that was a good thing.

This morning I found the necklace broken in her crib. I picked it up and hung it on a butterfly that is hanging over Simret's crib. Simret saw the necklace and said, "Mommy, Makeda coming home today?". It brought tears to my eyes and hope again to my soul for the future of our family. I answered, "soon, baby, soon".